“Bro, there is such a thing as too much information.”

Raf and I are two years apart, less four months. Since his birth, our mother forced us to cultivate a friendship instead of a sibling rivalry. While this is a positive thing most of the time, there are times when Raf crosses the boundary and shares too much. (He inherited that tendency from our mother.)

Text

I was preparing invoices at work, when an iMessage notification popped up on my phone. Raf randomly sends funny memes while I’m at work, so I didn’t think twice about opening it. I should’ve known better.

“I just got a burger and handmade salt and vinegar chips from O’Brian’s. It smells like white girl pussy. Lol!”

“OMGGG.”

“At least it tastes better. Lol.”

“Whyyyyy?! I don’t need to know this!!!”

“Just sayin’.”

“Bro, there is such a thing as too much information.”

Photo

“Hey sis, check this out!”

I narrowed my eyes in suspicion. “What is it?”

“A picture of a cute puppy.”

I exhaled in relief. “Okay, show me.”

Raf handed me his phone.

MY EYES!” I tossed the phone back at him in disgust. “Who is that and why is she sending you naked photos?!”

“This girl I met at a party last weekend –”

“You need to talk to Kevin and those guys about shit like this.”

“– who I went home with –”

“Can’t hear you.” I started walking away.

“– and we totally hooked up which was — ”

Hastily, I crammed my earbuds into my ears and drowned out the rest of the story with Outkast’s “Speakerboxxx/The Love Below” album.

Conversation

“Bro, why did Mom call to tell me that she found your ho’s panties in your room. And that y’all were sleeping in your room together.”

“Sis, first, Roxie is not a ho –”

“No, you’re both hos. Seriously, bro — shacking in Mom & Dad’s house?!”

“We weren’t even doing anything! At the time…”

“I don’t know why you and Mom feel the need to tell me these things.”

“Really, sis — Roxie and I were cuddling and accidentally fell asleep. I mean, we did have sex earlier –”

“NOPE.”